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There once was a tree... and she loved a little child.
- The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
*No Trees Gave Their Lives For This Layout*
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I've moved!
This blog has moved! LOL, i realised that this blog has been linked at my friends' blogs, and i didn't really informed everyone of the move. Just in case, any of my friends come in to see.
i have a real long post in mind, but they just vanished the moment i touch the keypads..
life may be moving at fastlane speed now, with schoolwork, part time job and friends' outings to attend to, i never think that i had it the hard way.. need to check once in a while that my feet is on the ground with projects, assignments, job and social life all thrown in my direction.. but it is really a nice feeling that at least i'm fulfilling my time..
and once in awhile when we all get wired up the wrong way, all stressed and going crazy, meeting out with my sisters like yanping, suqi, carol, wanling, fiona, becky, winnie etc is like heavenly la.. we get really nuts just to unwind.. remember a really impressionable one is when me, yanping and suqi was like hanging out at citylink around nine plus and we were sitting outside some unknown cafe trying to kop their wireless and then yanping started to suggest that we take multiple shots of us doing something stupid and then play it back by linkplaying all the photos taken.. it was crowded at citylink la, like when was it not? and people are staring at us but we just like continue to pose like mad women.. but it was a real good feeling.. like how me wanling and fifi will sing stupid techno numbers and oldies at kbox can really just perk me up with more energy..
also at certain points in life we get intruders who just come by and leave us to clear the mess they made.. i have always my friends to help me clean up that shit with me and sometimes clean them for me.. thanks carol and yan ping, thanks for letting me let out all that shit..
today's rather tiring.. couldn't really wake up today on time, then rush off for stats B lesson.. haha, me iman and bex was like in our own world the whole time, rather, the whole class was in its own world, people were like facebook-ing, friendster-ing, email-ing, playing warcraft.. haha, i was trying very hard to pay attention, end up stoning quite a lot.. then went home for a rest and after which rush off to tuition.. luckily, today, the kids are pretty nice.. haha, except for kavier.. but again, when was kavier ever well-behaved?
there was this small episode with sung gyu again.. haha.. but i dont wanna delve on it.. but i have to say, some what, sung gyu kinda made my day too.. its really nice to be around the kids once in a while, because their thinking are not tainted and i really that i received genuine and heartfelt treatment.. (:
wa.. loads of work piling.. AS assignments (working on it now), BGS readings + articles, business law case-reading, CT project's filming and video editing, stats B assignment + revision.. and this is like week 5 already, which means week 7 approaching but also means that recess week coming..haha.. so many plans drawing up for that week.. lol.. cannot wait..
oh yar, this will most probably be the last post that i will cross post to my blogger post, i'm feeling very accustomed to my new personal website already.. blogger really giving a lot of technical problems..
just to add on, was watching this video cut with brian joo in jiwhaza show.. u really gotta watch it.. fast forward to 3.56 mins.. and watch from there... if u need translation for that, just tell me.. but i guess without subs you still can figure out what is going on..
OMG.. i'm running a fever - hongki fever.. this vocalist of FT Island has got me really melting away.. those puppy eyes, cute smiles and or course of powerful voice.. haha.. i'm running close to a cutie-drummer-minhwan fever soon..
alright.. i think my new website is more or less done.. except for the music tab which i cannot figure out and i'm still tryin to get a chat box into the system..
i won't close this blog because i still depend on it for me to link to my friends' blogs.. well..
i dunno why i have doing so much counselling to my friends nowadays that i've grown really tired of it.. It's like they come and complain and rant, then go away.. Left me feeling pretty empty..
I guess I am doing too much for others.. I think I'm about to reach the limit of it all.. I need someone to rant to as well....
argh.. i still cant get my music files uploaded.. What's wrong with the system? They upload videos so well, but it is bull shit when it comes to uploading just one song..
today in creative thinking class, prof got the whole class to sit down on the floor. He then pulled down all the blanks and switched off all the lights and then got us to imagine our sanctuary and brought us through much recollection like recalling our best friend when we were 9 years old and also the person we model after for sense of creativity. It was really nice to be classroom 5.1 doing that, really serene.
prof had said that our sanctuary can be any place, be it the bathroom, bedroom, in the mountains etc. The sanctuary I pictured in my mind was a clearing within a deep forest where I was lying down on the grass and was looking up at the moonless star-filled sky.. the stars themselves were so numerous that they lit up the whole sky. Really beautiful.
Whenever I can't sleep I'll imagine myself at this place.
credits:JJGP@deviantart
i found one picture that is almost similar to that of my imagined sanctuary, just that the moon is sooooo big! Well, its beautiful, I don't mind..
i'm right now in creative thinking class, just finished with the essay.
Question: Respond to this "Green Sky, Purple Earth".
I love writing things on these kinda weird topic.. I even put in the korean translation of it.. Just to fill space.. LOL..
Watched "Nausicaa, Valley Of Wind" this afternoon before i go to school for this lesson.. Really really love it.. I want to watch it hundred times all over again..
creative thinking huh.. i'm not even paying attention to the prof in class right now. i'm thinking creative now though.. LOL
i feel so stupid for always being late for class, especially for business law class.. i feel so stupid when the classmates in business law class talks law as well as singaporeans speaks singlish.. i feel so stupid when i tried to speak up in class and all i talked was singlish and rubbish..
i feel stupid now at this time of the day for trying so hard to revise what was taught in business law class today and yet the rate of input into my brain is so darn slow..
i feel stupid that i'm lamenting about this to this white blank slate..
i feel really stupid that those people get their sleep and get to talk clever rubbish while i don't get mine yet i talk nonsensical rubbish..
...
i feel even more stupid that i thought i was finally appreciated but actually i'm not..
lately, i find myself so afraid to do everything.. i have no confidence in myself and in everything.. i've used up my energy just to try....
(added at 1228 am) i need to learn to be understanding with myself.. i'm not super wonder girl, i guess..
was on my way to work in the evening.. i was totally awed by what i saw - the turqoise splash across the luminous ocean sky contrasted by the looming dark clouds..
and i wonder who had actually stop to take in such a beautiful sight..
i lost my soul at the crossroads.. i moved on with the rest of me without it.. now when i took a detour to the crossroads again in hope to get it back, i realised that it had took off heartlessly just like i did.. and now i realised how scary it is to have lost something..
for those who come to this blog and wonder - eh, is it my internet server got problem or this blog got problem? well, its my blog.. i found that the tabs at the side are faulty since a long time ago but i choose to deny it.. but now, i think i have to face it.. i am now setting up my new multiply blog.. but for now, if u don't mind, just press the f5 button to refresh to go to other tabs.. ):
these are the times when i'm really fed up with the world.. i wanted to shout but i know the whole world won't bother..
it gets so cooped up inside, i feel like a bomb.. i'm crying, crying so hard inside, but the tears will just not overflow at my eye level.. i hate it that i cry when i don't want to and i hate it even more when i wanted to cry but just can't..
i'm actually 3/4 through the finishing touches of my new blog.. but i just can't bear the idea of leaving this one behind... *ae.. cheon mal*
i have been thinking alot.. all that 'what if's and all that 'why me's.. its really eating up the whole of my head.. the more i think about stuff like 'why am i standing here, staring out, holding in, and waiting on?' the more i feel really empty and alone.. i hate times like these, it is not like i love to go around thinking about them.. its just they struck at me.. its emotionally draining especially since school's starting to move at full speed..
everyone is just so absorbed in their own world, thinking thoughts and living life.. but i think we live in a world where self-centredness comes in like a big mama.. if we don't save ourselves for ourselves, its so unlikely that some other people will save us for themselves.. it is funny but this is actually what that triggered me to dream to be an astronaut when i was younger.. i wanna know how it is like to see Earth, see life from the outside.. looking at a living planet where living things live for their own, think for their own.. i'm not saying that this is wrong, this is just so natural for living things..
...
seriously, it is just me and one of my weird antics again...
woa, it is just the first week of sem 1 of school and i feel so full at hands already.. apparently, i'm in the block b groups for business students, and thus doing the more boring modules like biz law, BGS, stats b, analytical skills and creative writing.. so far for me, i don't like biz law of them all, i don't figure it out and it does not figure me out.. and the atmosphere at class is just so solemn.. and i liked creative writing the most because i like the way prof kirpal conducts the class, so much like mr tong's gp tuition classes, i missed his classes alot! their classes really brought me to places!!
but i guess for the first week of school, it has been fun, i get to hang out with friends still - chilling out together and going crazy together.. i have lessons from mon to thu and i consider that good enough.. there are still so many activities to look forward to, like this friday's VIVACE cca day and next week's freshman's bash.. it feels so great that i can be part of these with my friends..
for now, i just hope that i can be able to channel balanced energy to family, school and work.. it is hard to pull it off nicely, but i swear i will try my best to.. :)
alright.. convocation took place yesterday.. its was pretty fun, excluding the part that me and suqi arrived really late at suntec.. haha..
the whole ceremony was pretty boring, we tried to keep ourselves awake by joking around, me suqi and jia ling, and janice was sleeping throughout the ceremony.. i loved the performance by the various performing group and the live band that happened at the end of the ceremony..
but what was disappointing was that when suqi, yp, bw and i went forward to the stage for the live band, the rest of the ftb group left without a word and without the intention to even care for our belongings.. it was even more disappointing that when we called them, they just told us that they are leaving the hall coolly.. but i guess it was another lesson learned - friends are just passers-by in life, we don't expect too much from them.. but hanging out with suqi, yp, bw and arden after that was pretty fun.. haha, the jokes and 'debates' we had..
anyway, class is starting tomorrow.. kinda nervous because it had been so long since i stepped into the classroom (well, as in as a student and not as a teacher) and i'm still not very accustomed to the seminar-teaching method.. but i'm happy i have so much to learn.. :)
the recent reports about Cheung Shu Hong's suicide in China had really brought many's attention on the issue of product safety standards of the made-in-china goods.. my say about this is, Cheung's case isn't solitary in china, the reason why this was blown up by the media is most probably due to the coincidal recall of toys by Mattel and Cheung's company manufactures toys..
i'm not going to start ranting about product standards in china.. being a big country in terms of size and population, it is hard to regulate that of everything hence it has became a loophole for people to tap on the fat profits that can be reaped from all that substandard products. but what really is appalling is that for Cheung's case, it was not in his will to make substandard products, but ironically, it was a friend of his whom he had once helped in business, who sold him the unsafe paints for the manufacture of his toys.. this isn't right, at least that's what we were all taught since young.. i mean, the toys are gonna be played by children not only in other countries but in china itself as well.. i don't understand - how can anyone bear the thought of making something that one is aware will be harmful to so many others, including young children..
then i thought, on the other hand, what do we know? poverty drives people to do things beyond imagination.. we see numerous reports now and then about the yawning income gap in china, that the benefits of this economic giant is not filtering down to the lower income groups.. i may not know all the details to this issue, but i believe that poverty is powerful enough to drive people to do that.. in the eye of this media-frenzy about substandard products in china, i feel that we are missing the information to be reported on about people who did these foolish acts - their financial situations, the root-cause of this whole thing..
the mass media can be so controlling that we only focus on what they report, we should take a step back and try to look things from another aspect and we may just find something more important..
this is a band when it first started out, i thought it was just a little-boy-craze for their fans.. but when my itunes started playing their songs, they really started to grow on me.. so much that, i have joined that huge and growing group of girls who are totally crazy about them..
FT Island 에프티 아일랜드 (Five Treasure Island) consist of 5 members ranging from the age of 14 -17 (like how young is that??) they call themselves that because they feel that the music they make are like treasures to them.. man, they are not just that couple of cute faces, though they are really that cute - they play their own music and the genre is somewhere rock-pop.. because i'm not such a fan of bands like SG Wannabe or Vibe, i thought FT Island is like them because their main vocal HongKi sounds like that.. but FT Island surprised me, they made good music.. alright, memers of FT Island are HongKi (main vocal), JaeJin (bass guitarist), MinHwan (drumist), WonBin (guitar and soft vocal) and JungHoon (guitarist).. my favourite is HongKi and MinHwan, lol, i guess cos they were the main cast of their new MV - 천둥 + 한사람만..
[1st picture (left to right): wonbin, hongki, minhwan, jaejin and junghoon]
if u see their mv and performances and stuff, i really feel that they are seriously acting older than their age, not that i mind that - it kinda makes me feel less guilty of getting crazy over them - but do they have to do that? i mean, they have the youth (wth), and they should let that shine.. trying to appeal to the main elder audience may not be a very great thing after all.. that's what i realise in sprouting bands and performing groups in the korean music industry, we have KARA, WonderGirls, Girlhood etc bands coming out and they are, what, ultra young.. but they all portrait the kinda image older than they are.. why do that? i mean, we always love that SES-cuteness or DBSK-young-and-cute.. this industry is becoming such a scary happening..
ok, i've been pretty occupied lately.. which i think is a good thing..
working part time at SLC, attending some of the sports cca clinics (went for floorball and handball clinic - they were both super fun) and now i know the pre-assigned timetable for 1st semester.. haha, i am assigned 5 modules and i realised i'm assigned the block b modules (the boring ones, to be exact).. i've got school from mon to thu, haha, and like jeremy said - i have a 3-days weekend.. which i think isn't that bad.. i still have the time to go museum and hit the gym with lovely folks like YP and suqi..
i guess that's all for now.. i hope to have more coming!
firstly, term hasn't even started and there are already just so many things to give my attention to at school and i learnt that i really should be more alert to things.. big disadvantage to miss any of the events going on.. i should go (O.O) from now on..
oh right, yesterday we had an acad briefing and we got to really squeeze like madness in that hall at the school of accountacy, i really thought that 3/4 of the bondue population was at the talk.. but the real deal is that i didn't learn much from the talk but instead everything else outside and after the talk really make my eyes go like o.O
i don't wish to go into the details because they still haunts me alot, i'm afraid if i'm not going to spare the details, i'll have another night of only fitful of wink.. but the bring-away point is basically that people do foolish things even in areas which they had long proclaimed their expertise.. it may be hard to comprehend it this way but look at it another way - you know you are making a stupid and foolish mistake, you know who your accomplice is, you know that your accomplice is aware of the mistake, you know eyes are looking, perhaps tongues are starting to wag, but you just do nothing about it.. from my point of view, perhaps this person is thinking 'i will just pluck myself out of this mess in time it becomes unredeemptable'.. we all know that won't happen, it's scary but it is the way things go.. yesterday, i was thinking it through myself, should i even interfer? at first, i thought i had no idea to that, already two other friends are fretting a lot about it, things may just be that serious - maybe i should.. but after really thinking through, i came down to a conclusion that - i myself haven't truely grasp my momentum ever since we were all preparing for the new term, i should really just take that step back, and look at things from an outsider's view while still slowly getting back to my momentum.. i shall step in when my role as an outsider ever should call for it..
i know that is pretty much quite a senseless chunk to others, but well, it really hurts to know more sometimes..
but just a merry thought to ally myself with reality again.. visited Food For Thought yesterday after the academic briefing with YP, ade, CK Tang, Jeremy and his gang.. pretty cosy and modest cafe it is.. so glad that i suggested we go there, enjoyed myself a lot there.. looked pretty much like business is picking and the staff are much more charismatic that i have expected.. think that will be my no. 2 hangout place other than campus in the cityhall area..
ARGH!! i forgot all about that arts exhibition that i wanna catch at the SAM before the last day of July.. DAMMIT, i really wanna catch that exhibition.. i feel like an idiot..
i went over to the hairdresser's place today.. i spent a whole 3 hours +++ there just to get my untidy mane straightened, for my mom, sis and granny had complained about how messy they are.. and i think i needed a change too..
during that 3 hours ++ stay there, i had really experienced something that is becoming so common in Singapore.. the hairdresser herself is a mother of two, one daughter and one son.. her daughter will be sitting for her PSLE this year end while her son, who used to be more defiant in the past (i think he is of same age as me) is now serving his NS and will want to resit for his OLevels after his service..
the point is not so much her son.. i used to go there with my mom but today it is different, i went over alone and i regretted that.. throughout the whole morning, the hairdresser just went on on how her daughter is doing in school, preparing for her PSLE.. not that it is anything wrong except.
" You think that she should go for english lang tuition next year when she is in sec 1, don't you?" - i agreed politely.
" She said that she wants to get into the express stream. Hoho, i think i am contented with her going into the normal academic stream but preferrably in those better schools like XMSS. But i think i'll be really happy if she get into express stream and also get into a good school.." - i can only smile neatly at her..
" I was thinking of buying for her the papers from all the good primary schools like Raffles, Rosyth.....(blah blah, i wasn't listening)... Hoho, actually i bought them for her already, hope she can finish them.. And i was thinking, do you know where to get the PSLE past years papers?" - i shrugged, playing with the seams of my shirt..
" My daughter is really good in her chinese, i used to think i want her to study higher chinese. Hoho, but what for? Her english is in a mess. Her oral examination is on this saturday, she is worried, i'm worried for her too.. Hoho.. " - My reply was " Oral examinations for PSLE actual?" - " Hoho, no, school's preliminary oral examinations." i just froze there..
" I don't like the principal of CSS, but people said that it is not bad a school, one of my clients said that, she sells at their school canteen. I like NCSS, and i love the uniform too, but my daughter is so dumb she won't get in - i have a client who teaches there, she said that.. I think XMSS is good but u know with all the autonomy thing, it is going to be tough studying there - one of my client is a school cleaner there.. Hoho.. They said, my clients their daughters study there, SJC is not really good because they are really strict with their students. Haha, i really hope my daughter gets in NCSS, after all they are going for autonomy, their std should be good, isn't it? " she smiled. - i could only smile back weakly..
what's with that big fuss over where our children study? i remembered during my time, my parents left all the decision-makings to me, after all, this is going to be the path that i will have to take on my own.. actually, this morning during my stay at the hairdresser's, some mothers came by to have their hair cut.. halfway through that, they were suddenly deep into the conversation of the schools that children are going to study after PSLE, and the topic can get these mothers so excited that they can be shouting and scolding about how it is such a trouble to help their children to find a good secondary school.. i was taken aback.. perhaps, my mother never did that, and i seldom get to see that..
i was thinking, is it that children nowadays don't have a say of their own, or are parents over-powering in such decision-making? i don't know the answers to this.. but judging from the students i teach at SLC, what i got is a new generation of students who read up a lot from the mass media like the internet, watch a hell lot of videos from youtube, make lots of friends over friendster and myspace.. talking to them in class is like communicating with a bunch of kids who are so eager to grow up, they had always complained the rigidity of the workings of the society in the best way they can make themselves look mature - like how the society think that they are all naive and do not have much knowledge but in fact, they are not a bit near that.. but why is it that from the parents, i get that feeling that all these ever-ready-to-make-their-own-choice kids just shrunk in size in front of their parents?
i have a student who is extremely smart and also arrogant in class. he likes to come to class and boast about the new piece of knowledge he learnt over science club, maths club or whatever clubs he joined.. in class, he is the first and the loudest to complain that my teaching pace is too slow for him.. but i found out from his many friends that in fact at home, his mother planned his daily timetable down to the point that he gets all studying and revision to fill the day - and rest time of 3 hours will just be spent sitting on the sofa, spacing out.. because to his mother, playing computer or watching tv during rest time is not considered as resting.. you cannot imagine my shock and disgust when i heard that.. this students scores the range of 92-96 marks for his maths examinations but still gets scolded by his mother because "he is careless by that 4-8 marks from getting full marks" as quoted by his mother..
i'm appalled.. deeply appalled. there has been much discussion over forums about letting our children study without all that pressure. i think it is not an easy task, we need to know where does the fault lie and whose mindset we should start to change before the kids gets to get a breather from something that had originally designed to give knowledge, to empower - education..
perhaps, i am reading too much into individual cases that i saw.. i hope to be able to see and feel more to better understand just what is going on regarding our mindset on something that is so important to the society and also primarily harmless..
i used to have a lot different dreams when i was young.. and i have one that i hold very dear to my heart.. to others, it may be ridiculous, but who cares?
lately, i have been feeling pretty low.. no matter what i do, i can't find the 힘 to do things..
so i was listening to 천상지희's songs over and over again.. and i realised that it really did give me some strength.. can really feel that girl power in their music.. and i found one of my childhood dreams in them.. :)
i'll one day realise that dream in myself too, at least somewhere there!
My Favorite little things: sky, stars and my telescope. korea
My type of music: 동방신기 TVfXQ, 러브홀릭 Loveholic, 슈퍼 주니어 SuJu, 보아 BoA , 이효리 Hyori, 천상지희 CSJH, 세븐 Se7en, 베이비복스 Baby VOX, FTTS, 에픽하이 Epik High, 이승기 Lee Seung Gi, 제이 J, 브리즈 Breeze, 클래지콰이 Clazziquai, As One, 장우혁 Jang Woo Hyuk ...
mood: 
feeling so much better and jumpy..
